Dirty Christmas Poems

A collection of dirty Christmas poems by Paul Curtis which intended for a teenage and adult audience. The poems are essentially funny poems about Christmas which happen also to be rude, risque, or occasionally frankly filthy.

Father And Christmas

A poem which is hardly dirty at all, but provides an opportunity either to get your eye in or, if offended, storm off in disgust.

Who’s The New Guy?

A mildly scatological poem about the mystery tenth reindeer and how he got his name. Pedants who insist that there were only ever eight reindeer - Rudolph was is the invention Disney and not a real reindeer - will either have to play along with the pretence or skip this poem.

Chimney Nook

It would be wrong to call Chimney Nook a poem about sex, as it's really a poem about an absence of sex.

All I Want For Christmas # 1

A dream, a wish list and a fantasy all rolled into one delicious little poem.

All I Want For Christmas # 2

A companion piece to the above poem which covers the same ground in a slightly more delicate fashion.

A Gift For Maria

A very long, very funny poem about a misunderstanding between a couple which has unintentionally hilarious consequences.

Emptying Santa’s Sack

Best described as a twisted Christmas poem, Emptying Santa’s Sack is in equal measure funny and cruel.

A Christmas Wish

Another poem which could equally well have born the title Emptying Santa’s Sack.

A Hand For Santa

And a third.

Snow Show

Sanity restored, with a straight funny poem about a cock-up on the TV weather bulletin.

Oh What A Lovely Gift

An unusually appropriate present for a spotty and priapic teenager leads to wild speculation as to the donor.

All I Want For Christmas #3

What would make your Christmas wishes come true?

My Evergreens

Dressing up is great fun, so why restrict it to childhood?

Tied Up With Tinsel

And if dressing up isn't enough, you could try a little light bondage as well.

I Saw a Figure on the Stair

Or perhaps a little undressing up, which can be equally titillating.

Christmas Spice

More of the same, for those who view Christmas as a saucy interlude rather than a sacred festival.

Have A Cracking Christmas

Innuendo in Excelis makes a fine finale to the dirty poems.