Paul Curtis's 21st century nursery rhymes are traditional English nursery rhymes reworked for a contemporary audience. The collection includes funny nursery rhyme parodies, together with one or two poems that are either quite rude or distinctly dirty, depending upon your sensitivities in such matters.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
Thanks to a litigious culture, and a legal vulture
Humpty Dumpty made a big score
It's raining, it's pouring;
Politicians are snoring.
They had their chance
To save the world
Now we’re screwed by global warming
Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair;
Said Simple Simon to the pie man "what have you got there?"
Said the pie man to Simple Simon "what do you expect me to have?"
“I’m the pie man so I’ve got pies you dozy chav”
Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie
Kissed the girls but didn’t know why.
When the boys came out to play
He had more fun because he was gay
Mary Mary quite contrary,
How has your garden thrived?
With fertilizers and chemicals?
Or is it genetically modified?
Little Bo peep has lost her sheep
And doesn't know where to find them.
She didn’t know about the foot and mouth
Or that the farmer had to burn them
I had a little hen,
The prettiest ever seen,
Which happily made
For such versatile cuisine
Little Jack Horner sat in the corner
Of a fashionable eatery
When his food arrived in its design contrived
He said “What’s this supposed to be?”
Wee Willie Winkie runs through the town,
Upstairs and downstairs in his nightgown,
The silly man would have looked better
If he waited till the warmer weather
Peter, Peter pumpkin eater,
Had a wife and couldn't keep her!
She slipped through his fingers like sand
So he ordered another one from Thailand
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