Is death a suitable theme for funny poetry? This selection of Paul Curtis' short poems about death treats the sensitive subject of mortality, death and the afterlife with a light and witty, although occasionally irreverent, touch. To begin, a poem offering a cynical take on airlines' approach to passenger safety and emergency procedures.
The nightmare that keeps me up at nights
Is about oxygen masks on airline flights
They don’t contain any oxygen it seems
They're only there to muffle the screams
A short funny poem about death which begins innocently enough, but ultimately reveals itself as having a high splat quotient.
Some days you’re the King
And on another day unseen
Some days you’re a servant
On another day the Queen
Some days you’re an insect
Another day the windscreen
Take a cremated husband, a vengeful wife and a mundane piece of kitchen equipment and you've the ingredients for a unusual confection which has the overwhelming flavour of death, but with a hint of sex.
When I die my destiny is already fated
As my wife plans to have me cremated
Then she will use my ashes in a trice
Confined within an egg timing device
Her reasoning is simple to be truthful
That I will at least in death be useful
As in life revenge for my eternal toil
Is to finish before she’s come to the boil
A sick twisted poem which will appeal neither to animal rights activists nor trendy middle aged fathers...
I have started to think that dad's too old
For clubbing, but he just will not be told,
He refuses even to listen to my chatter
And doesn't see why age should matter,
He says that he’s not as fit as in the past
But the baby seals don’t move that fast.
Alopecia, creaking joints, incontinence, dementia. Old age may be torture, but it's generally accepted that it's better than the alternative.
If after the age of sixty years
I think this is safely said
And you don't wake up aching in every joint
You are almost certainly dead
To conclude, a nostalgic funny poem which will appeal to spiritual children of the 1960s. It's may not be in the best possible taste, but then neither were the 60s.
The Pinball Wizard is dead
That deaf dumb and blind kid
Was shot dead by a stranger
It was such a senseless murder
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