A selection of Paul Curtis' short funny love poems which take a humorous look at romance, relationships, marriage and marital strife. It is worth emphasising that the poems are written from a male perspective, are funny in intent and that there are recognised channels for submitting complaints to Peculiar Poetry. The opening poem is liable to alienate, if not offend, half of our potential readership.
I've been searching all my life
For Miss Right to be my wife
At last I find the one, I think
I’m wed before I’ve time to blink
Alas, regret for all my days
For her first name is always
Spouses who avoid being ensnared by pre-marital agreements can, may, indeed likely will, leave a few surprises to be revealed after the nuptials.
I love you Darling warts and all
Though I can’t seem to recall
When we first met at the mall
And we chatted in the food hall
You ever mentioning warts at all
A short, simple poem which relates an inalienable truth about love and, perhaps more explicitly, sex.
The game of love
Unlike others that might
Is never called off
On account of bad light
We're all familiar with the concept of the love triangle, but a love quadrilateral opens up all sorts of intriguing possibilities.
I’m in love with A
Alas she likes B
B fancies C
But C wants me
What could be more romantic that a couple walking around town holding hands. What indeed!
I always hold my wife's hand when we're out
People thinks it's so romantic, but its not
I hold her hand all the time because I know
That if I let it go she'll start to shop
Uxoricide is a rather ugly and often misunderstood word. But as a practical procedure to bring a tedious relationship to an abrupt end, it's unbeatable.
I've often wanted to drown my troubles
Loose them in the foaming bubbles
But alas my chances are dimming
As I can't get my wife to go swimming
Based on an oft quoted and unanswered philosophical question, She Wood transports conflict to the battleground that is marriage.
If a man is stood
Talking in a wood
Only to himself
And no one else
His wife is not near
And so cannot hear
So if he is stood
Talking in a wood
Out of the throng
Is he still wrong?
For our final poem, Yours Sincerely makes a suitably cynical valediction to the whole notion that there is a funny side to romance.
An important lesson in life
When dealing with a girlfriend
Is to learn to be sincere
Even if you have to pretend
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