Dirty Halloween Poems

Halloween combines the sinister pagan beliefs of our forefathers (and foremothers) with contemporary interpretations as a festival of anything gory. Nothing too sexy or sensual there, you would imagine. What adds an extra frisson of excitement to proceedings is the whole goth horror element, which makes it as much a holiday about dressing to shock as anything else.


I've tried to intoduce a bit of variety, or spice, into the mix this year with a few poems which go beyond the sartorial in seach of Halloween thrills. Enjoy, as nauseatingly ingratiating waiters tend to say when plonking a plate of scrapings from the pig bin in front of you.

Everyone Wants Candy On Halloween

Everyone wants Candy on Halloween
As they march on their trick or treat patrol
But the only Candy that interests me
Will be swinging on a silver pole

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Are You Wearing Toe Of Newt?

Are you wearing toe of newt?
Is it part of a witchy spell?
Is it the witchy version of GHB?
I'm so smitten I cannot tell

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I Lost My Virginity To A Wiccan Girl

I lost my virginity to a Wiccan girl
Who was a scrawny little witch
With the reputation for being
A bit of a thorny little bitch
She mellowed to me in my bed
And I was left with a horny itch

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Halloween Pickup # 1

When you're on the pull
If you want to break the ice
Say something funny
Or say something nice
Be complimentary
Or just lie in your endeavour
Be devastatingly witty
Or say something clever
During the Halloween season
Just say to any girl you meet
“If you let me show you a trick
I can promise you'll get a treat”

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More of the same for 2013 from Paul Curtis's apparently inexaustable supply of poems in which sexy dressing up is the central theme, perhaps the whole purpose, of Halloween.

Are You Wearing Black Velvet?

Are you wearing black velvet?
You look like the Black Queen
That's so fitting for the season
I really do love Halloween

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Are You Wearing Halloween Knicks?

Are you wearing Halloween knicks?
Proper novelty underwear
All festively decked down below
In a suitably seasonal pair
It doesn't matter the decor
It will make an old man stare
Just you in your Halloween knickers
What wonderful Witching hour fare

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Are You Wearing Halloween Garters?

Are you wearing Halloween garters?
Answer me that one for starters
Beneath your dress up high
Around your black clad thigh
Where the black sheath is stopping
Where they are lacy at the topping
Are there pagan garter rings
Sexily placed decorative things
Please answer this one for starters
Are you wearing Halloween garters?

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She Could Beguile And Mesmerise

She could beguile
And mesmerise
She could entrance
And hypnotize
She was a cunning
Thorny little bitch
She was also a stunning
Horny little Witch

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Are You Wearing Halloween Drawers?

Are you wearing Halloween drawers?
I would like a look at yours
I bet a pound to a penny
You're not wearing any
There we have it at last
You are as I thought bare arsed
Of course it makes you look loose
Even if you have an excuse
Well yes it would be regarded as a treat
And not just down your street

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Are You Wearing A Witch's Outfit?

Are you wearing a witch's outfit?
Does it come with all the kit?
The shoes and cloak and hat
Striped stockings and all that
Then ply me with your potion
And realise your every notion

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Love Bitten Halloween

From the first moment
On that memorable first day
When I laid eyes on the Wiccan
All that I can say
Is that I was left as helpless
As a vampire with tooth decay

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Our first halloween poetry offerings are dirty in a sartorial, rather than lavatorial, sense. Indeed there is a recurring titular theme of Are You Wearing Halloween… ? which gives a cohesion to Paul's first collection of sexy-spooky Halloween poems.

Are You Wearing Halloween Stockings? # 1

Are you wearing Halloween stockings?
Beneath your long black coat
Are you suitably resplendent?
Will you really float my boat?
Are they risqué and shocking?
Will they easily get my vote?
It could mean a happy Halloween
For a certain horny old goat

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Are You Wearing Devils Horns?

Are you wearing devils horns?
Now I get one of those winks
You’re wearing the tail as well?
You naughty little minx
You are clearly more devilish
Than anyone else thinks
Is it because it’s Halloween
Or a few too many Drinks

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My Little Wicked Witch And I

My little wicked witch and I
Love to fly across the night sky
And travel to special places
Where no one knows our faces
Where door with bolt and lock
Ensures, Witch and Warlock
Can scratch their every itch
And a Warlock and a Witch
Can safely enjoy a little sin
Without familiars listening in

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Are You Wearing A Witch’s Hat?

Are you wearing a witch’s hat?
I don’t know what I think of that
I will just have to wait and see
If you decide to put a spell on me
I think it might be a thrill
If you were to bend me to your will

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Are You Wearing Halloween Hosiery?

Are you wearing Halloween hosiery?
Phwor are you going to let me see
Oh how they cling to the shape of you
I would like to cling to them too
Oh yes I like them very much
Perhaps I might have a touch
Oh you are a proper tease
Would you let me if I said please?

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Hello Darling Halloween Girl

Hello darling Halloween girl
With your bag half full of sweets
I hope you have no tricks for me
If I top up your bag with treats

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Are You Wearing Halloween Tights? # 1

Are you wearing Halloween tights?
Adorned with a a scary motif
Well if those long festive limbs
Decorated with a spooky motif
Were to entwine about me
Then my resistant would be brief

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