As beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so rudeness is very often in the mind of the reader. I apply a simple test to determine if a poems should be in the rude poetry section - could I read the poem to my nonagenarian grandmother and both of us survive the experience? If I couldn't - please note that I don't actually put them to the test - then they are, to my mind at least, rude poems.
A very cheesy poem - cheesy in its subject matter, cheesy in its execution and, for those possessing well developed olfactory organs, with a distinct whiff of cheese.
A deliberately provocative title for a poem inspired by the Swiss Re building in London, which Prince Charles described as resembling 'an erotic gherkin'.
One of a series of reworkings of old sayings and sooths, which offers some wise words for viewers of satellite television.
A poem about two of the worst personal problems afflicting the teenage male - personal as in personal hygiene, not personal relationships. You have been warned.
A poem in Limerick form with Limerick as the subject - a sort of 'double Limerick', except it doesn't rhyme.
Another traditional saying gets put through the proverbial mangle.
A first, and likely last, attempt to write alphabet poetry. I am sure the world doesn't need another poem beginning 'A is for apple' (It's got one) and I only avoided the obvious trap of the line 'F is for skin' by finishing the poem prematurely. It's funny, it's fruity, but it didn't come out of the wash entirely clean.
A man who works for the Health and Safety Executive becomes just a little too enthusiastic about enacting safety legislation.
A short poem about the dangers of surfing the Internet in search of unsavoury material.
A rather bashful lady consults a doctor about her 'women's problems'.
A poem about the power that plastic surgery has to change not only your appearance, but also your whole outlook on life.
There are both pitfalls and pleasures to dining alone…
A deliberately obtuse poem which will mean different things to different people.