Christmas Poems
Christmas poems cover a multitude of sins, from the pious to the sickeningly cute. This is a reflection of the schizophrenic nature of Christmas itself – a major religious festival in the Christian calendar, which has been subsumed into a secular celebration of consumerism. As one might expect, Peculiar Poetry takes an oblique approach to Christmas poetry, offering a selection of festive poems that distil the true spirit of Christmas – misanthropic, dyspeptic and self-indulgent. There is funny Christmas poetry to lift one’s spirits, a romantic Christmas poem to inflame one’s passions and a few whimsical and weird festive offerings, which may amuse and bemuse in equal measure.
Funny Christmas Poems
We commence with three straight funny Christmas poems by Patrick Winstanley. The first, Christmas May Be Cancelled, is a new poem for Christmas 2007. It was originally intended as a Christmas poem for children, but is rather mean spirited and so unsuitable for very young readers or those who still believe in Santa Claus.
Christmas May Be Cancelled
Christmas may be cancelled
The reindeer are on strike
Santa's stuck in Lapland
Forget your brand new bike
Christmas isn't cancelled
Royal Mail saves the day
Postmen playing Santa
Expect that bike mid-May
The second poem, Tickled Pink, is a very short, funny poem about a Christmas fairy which exists in both adult and children's versions. The adult version which follows is rather less rude than the children's version, which is entitled The Christmas Fairy.
Tickled Pink
I sit atop your Christmas tree,
All clad in pink, a real fairy.
The reason I appear to smirk,
The sprig of spruce stuck up my skirt.
The final funny Christmas poem is really a period piece, dating from the era when the Atkins diet raged throughout the land and threatened to wipe out half a generation of slightly overweight, but otherwise healthy, middle aged men. It takes the form of an Old Saw Re-sharpened...
Christmas is Coming
Christmas was coming
The goose was getting fat
So I put it on the Atkins diet
And now it's had a heart attack
Christmas Love Poems
Ah, the romance of Christmas. Paul Curtis' Christmas love poem, First Christmas, is a romantic and gently humorous piece about a couple spending their first Christmas together following their marriage.
First Christmas
It was just twelve months ago
Since my special wish was made
A wish you thought so simple
For which a fortune I’d have paid
And now it’s our first Christmas
In our first little house
But I hope the first of many
With my beautiful new spouse
This year my wish is simpler still
On this Christmas day with you
May our hearts be always filled with love
And the stockings be filled with you
More Christmas Poems
I made the unfortunate mistake of writing the Christmas poetry page before asking Paul Curtis where he got any additional Christmas poems to contribute and, rather worse, forgetting that he is something of an expert on the subject, having published a prose anthology on the history and traditions of Christmas. As a result, there is a whole new section of the site devoted to Paul's Christmas poetry, which includes selections of funny Christmas poems, dirty Christmas poems, poems about Christmas traditions, religious Christmas poems and a selection of leftover Christmas poetry - the poetic equivalent of Boxing Day turkey.
