Christmas Poems
Christmas poems cover a multitude of sins, from the pious to the sickeningly cute. This is a reflection of the schizophrenic nature of Christmas itself – a major religious festival in the Christian calendar, which has been subsumed into a secular celebration of consumerism. As one might expect, Peculiar Poetry takes an oblique approach to Christmas poetry, offering a selection of festive poems that distil the true spirit of Christmas – misanthropic, dyspeptic and self-indulgent. There is funny Christmas poetry to lift one’s spirits, a romantic Christmas poem to inflame one’s passions and a few whimsical and weird festive offerings, which may amuse and bemuse in equal measure.
Funny Christmas Poems 2008
We commence with a few funny Christmas poems. The first, Christmas Post, is by Paul Curtis and is a new poem for Christmas 2008. You can read it either as a light, humorous poem or something much deeper!
Christmas Post
Mildred went to the post office
To buy stamps for her Christmas cards
“What denomination do you want?”
She was asked by Mr Everard
“That’s political correctness gone mad,
Has it come to this?” said she
“You’d better give me a book of Catholic
And a book of C of E”
The second poem, Santa Claus by Patrick Winstanley is definitely rather darker, but still at heart a funny poem with psychological overtones.
Santa Clause RIP
A Christmas stocking
Emptied on the bed
A slender volume
Santa Claus is Dead
A coded message
Someone's telling me
My childhood is over
At only forty three.
The final funny Christmas poem by Paul Curtis embodies all the misanthropy and interfamilial war that makes Christmas 'Christmas', the festival we love to hate.
Christmas With The Browns
Every Christmas day is the same
The Browns come round for lunch
I dread the time as it approaches
There a bloody awful bunch
He’s an opinionated git
She’s a loudmouthed fishwife
Their kids run amuck unchecked
Causing trouble and strife
They drink all my booze
And eat every crumb of food
They’re uncouth and vulgar
Obnoxious and just plain rude
They are a truly horrible family
I wish I could show them the door
They have no redeeming features
God I hate my brother in law
Christmas Love Poems
Ah, the romance of Christmas. Paul Curtis' Christmas love poem, I Love Christmas, is a gently romantic verse about things we love at christmas...
I Love Christmas
I love Christmas when it comes around
The smells and tastes, the sights and sounds
I love the Christmassy Cinnamon smells
The Carol singers and chiming church bells
I love to see the advent candle burning
The excited faces all the children yearning
I love the gifts done up with ribbons and bows
And Red faced Santa’s calling ho ho ho
I love the merry songs about the season of Yule
And handmade decs brought home from school
I love trimming the tree with festive things
Like candy canes and popcorn strings
I love the twinkling of the Christmas lights
And the garlands hanging colourful and bright
But the thing that makes the season for me
Is kissing my love beside the Christmas tree
More Christmas Poems
I made the unfortunate mistake of writing the Christmas poetry page before asking Paul Curtis where he got any additional Christmas poems to contribute and, rather worse, forgetting that he is something of an expert on the subject, having published a prose anthology on the history and traditions of Christmas. As a result, there is a whole new section of the site devoted to Paul's Christmas poetry, which includes selections of funny Christmas poems, dirty Christmas poems, poems about Christmas traditions, religious Christmas poems and a selection of leftover Christmas poetry - the poetic equivalent of Boxing Day turkey.
