Parodies of Christmas Day in the Workhouse

Reading parodies of short and largely indifferent festive poems can leave you with feeling that you've consumed more than was good for you, but nothing of real substance. Paul's parodies of Christmas Day in the Workhouse are light and fluffy, so I suggest you treat them as an amuse bouche before tacking some more substantial Christmas poetry.

The first of a series of parodies on the theme of Christmas Eve / Day in the Workhouse. Readers who aren't members of the literary cognoscenti may wonder what the dickens is going on.

Paul's poem is a parody of the Victorian verse The Workhouse - Christmas Day, which is better known by it's first line It is Christmas Day in the workhouse.

Christmas Eve In The Workhouse #1

It’s Christmas Eve in the workhouse,
And not a hint of the seasons in sight
No stockings hang by the fireside
They’ll be no treats in store tonight

As day follows night, so we move on to the first of the parodies of Christmas Day in the Workhouse.

A parody of the poem Christmas Day - The Workhouse which retains many of the sentiments of the of the original verse about the poor conditions and diet suffered by workhouse residents.

Christmas Day In The Workhouse #1

It’s Christmas day in the workhouse
Just another grey day to endure
If we’re lucky we’ll dine on mouse
And Oliver will still be asking for more

More workhouse misery as the inmates are made to subsist on meager rations…

For the uninitiated, nouvelle cuisine required the serving of delicate morsels so small that diners were equipped with magnifying glasses, or in extreme cases microscopes, to help them locate their food on the plate.

Christmas Day In The Workhouse #3

It’s Christmas day in the workhouse
Just another grey day to endure
We have been promised nouvelle cuisine
So Oliver will be asking for more

…but it could all be much, much worse.

Those living overseas may not have encountered the delights of the Pot Noodle. The addition of boiling water magically turns a plastic pot containing dried ingredients resembling old hamster bedding into something very like fresh vomit. No wonder it's a staple of the student diet.

Christmas Day In The Workhouse #4

It’s Christmas day in the workhouse
Just another grey day to endure
We are being treated to pot noodle
So Oliver won’t be asking for more

Don't miss Paul's companion collection of parodies of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas.