New Funny Christmas Poems 2011
I hope by this stage that you've watched the Queens speech and had a snooze, or perhaps a stroll in the bracing winter air, and are feeling refreshed and ready for a final volley of Paul's funny Christmas poems. The selection below are all new poems for Christmas 2011, although the real cream of the crop were reserved for inclusion in the fantastic new Peculiar Poetry Collection of Funny Christmas Verse eBook.
Christmas Eve In The Workhouse # 1
The first of a series of parodies on the theme of Christmas Eve / Day in the Workhouse. Readers who aren't members of the literary cognoscenti may wonder what the dickens is going on.
Christmas Day In The Workhouse # 1
As day follows night, so we move on to the first of the parodies of Christmas Day in the Workhouse.
Girl Power
A poem which states an inalienable truth about the sex of Santa's reindeers, but manages to give the the whole issue a feminist slant.
Twas The Night Before Christmas # 6
A reworking of the festive classic Twas The Night Before Christmas to include a cast of bibulous castle dwellers.
Twas The Night Before Christmas # 7
The setting for this Twas parody is seaside hotel which has been invaded by some malodorous creatures.
Santa Claus Really Loves His Job
The title of the poem is possibly ironic, which means that American readers would be well advised to sit this one out.
While Shepherds Watched - Safely
A parody of the Christmas carol While Shepherds Watched Their Flocks By Night in which the intervention of the Health and Safety fascists brings everything to an abrupt conclusion.
Christmas Day In The Workhouse # 3
More workhouse misery as the inmates are made to subsist on meager rations...
Christmas Day In The Workhouse # 4
...but it could all be much, much worse.
Christmas Compliment
A strangely topical poem in which thoughts of international politics intervene during the turkey basting ritual.
I’m Dreaming Of A White Christmas # 1
We're a world away from Irving Berlin original in this parody of the classic Christmas song..
I’m Dreaming Of A White Christmas # 2
More messing with the lyrics leads to alcohol induced sensory deficit in a second parody the of popular Xmas classic I’m Dreaming Of A White Christmas.
Keeping Up With The Joneses
A funny poem about Christmas excess - spend in haste, repay into eternity.
Christmas Indulgence
A second poem about Christmas overindulgence, but this time focusing on eating to excess.
Department Store Santa
A rather downbeat poem about taking a child to visit a Santa's grotto which is far from magical, which is more bitter-sweet than outright funny.
Fill My Cup With Cheer
A poem which could usefully be recited to guests who overstay their welcome. In persistent cases, the prescription is a recitation immediately upon their arrival, to be repeated every half hour until they finally get the message.
I Just Opened My Present
An unfortunate mix up results in a young man receiving an embarrassingly awful Christmas present from his aged Aunt (aged, in this case, probably means late 40s).
Last Christmas
A twisted funny festive poem to conclude Paul Curtis's collection of funny Christmas poems. For those with stamina and the stomach for it, it's time to up the ante and move onto Paul's rude and dirty Christmas poems.
