Christmas

So, what's Christmas?

Christmas is
Several million non-Christians
Celebrating the birth of Christ
With chocolate-filled advent calendars,
Worshiping the gods of
Sponge Bob
And the Holy Family of
Disney Princesses.

Christmas is
Programmers at the BBC
Scheduling any religious messages
Into timeslots scientifically designed
To fall when NO-ONE
Will ever watch.

Christmas is
When the population of Britain
Lies back in their armchairs,
Bloated with Tesco Shaped Turkey Crown
And Mr Kipling's Mince Pies
And worships
Del Boy,
The real king of Yuletide.

Christmas is
When the money men laugh raucously
From
Their Caribbean hideaways
And broadcast
Holiday commercials
To exhausted consumers
Who are already dragging their bleeding credit cards,
Lemming-like,
To the January sales.

Christmas is,
When high up in the heavens,
God beholds his creations
And mutters,
Well,
I really fucked up this time,
Before slumping down in front of
Dad's Army
On UK Gold.

But, hell,
Don't be too hard on the man,
After all,
There's only so much shit one deity
Can take.

Copyright © Max Scratchmann. All Rights Reserved